my various and asundry musings...

What Doesn't Kill You...

2008-02-25T19:32:00.000-08:00

Being constantly confronted by one's own deficiencies in character really blows.

So the other day I was cogitation on why I had been so despondent as of late (and pretty much tired with life---something that shouldn't happen for another 30 years or so) when I had a blindingly obvious epiphany. I have been confronted on a daily basis with my various character flaws for the last two years---with absolutely no reprieve.

I used to have this wonderful thing called a comfort zone, but unfortunately I haven't seen that pesky bugger for about two years. Don't get me wrong, personal growth is wonderful, and being out of one's element is an excellent accelerant for said growth, but growth is painful, and usually brings to light that which you'd rather not face.

I feel like a mountain climber who has been sliding down a cliff for what seems like an eternity, never able to find a decent hand or foot hold with which to halt the slid, and overt the impending disaster. Oh, and to add insult to injury, all the way down I have been privy to every inconsistency, flaw, and weakness that exists in my life. So loads of fun for Andrew, let me tell you.

On the bright side, I think I have found a few things in my life that I can use as hand and foot holds to help me reverse my slide into oblivion, and actually make some headway up the mountain that is my life.

It's a daily struggle to focus on the positive and be optimistic, and some days I fail miserably, but then there are other days that aren't so bad---days that give the slightest glimpse of what my life could look like in the future. Glimpses of what my future could look like doesn't seem like much, but let me tell you, when your week has been magnificently awful, and you come face to face with the sinful and depraved version of yourself (on a daily basis), that glimpse is what keeps you from blowing your brains out over the weekend (and yes, I am being a bit over dramatic here).

It's true, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger...let's just hope I keep getting stronger, and not deader...

Of New Ventures, Old Fears, and….Smurfs.

2007-11-21T06:17:00.000-08:00

"So it begins" were the first words that flashed through my mind as I sat at my new desk and stared off into oblivion. A good beginning sentiment I'll admit, spoken inaudibly with force and passion that greatly displayed my steely determination.

Unfortunately, the thoughts that followed were a bit less impressive and showed for a brief moment the sniveling scared little boy that is always hiding just under the surface, threatening to burst out in a glorious display of insecurity and immaturity. "What the hell do I do now" my mind screamed, causing a bit of a panic, which in turn caused the room to spin for a bit.

I had been trained, tutored, encouraged, inspired to greatness, convinced of the righteousness of my profession, but when all was said and done the responsibility for action rested entirely on my shoulders. For some reason, this little fact never occurred to me while in training, or while hearing about the great opportunities for wealth, control, and meaning to be found in this profession. I still remember watching with horror as my trembling finger dialed my first cold call, or the irritation I felt as I listened to my voice quiver and crack while I attempted (unsuccessfully I might add) to set my first appointment.

Insecurity and fear can be hugely disabling when not dealt with quickly. These two emotions happen to be old friends of mine who I thought had been vanquished long ago by my accomplishments, age, and intellect. Sadly, this was not the case.

I was in shock. For three months I had effortlessly maneuvered myself around any obstacles or challenges that could have hindered my progress, only to reach my goal and be blindsided by something I thought I had left behind. So in addition to vast quantity of obstacles a new individual in my profession faces, I must also do battle with old enemies thought long dead.

As I was sitting at my desk pondering the quandary in which I found myself, I looked up just in time to see a metaphorical 2x4 whizzing toward my head. You see my friends, this situation was nothing new. Solomon once said "Nothing is new under the sun" and believe me, that statement is too true. I had been in a very similar situation more than 5 years ago, facing the same types of insecurities and fears.

The lesson I learned from that experience was very simple, but so very hard to put into practice. Without Jesus, I am nothing. Think about that---what does that mean? How can that be applied on a daily basis? I've tried overcoming a plethora of insurmountable obstacles on my own, and sometimes I see marginal success, but more often than not, I fail completely. Why do I find it so difficult to ask for help? I truly believe without the blessing of God, a venture will never be truly successful, but if one's pride keeps one from asking for help...one is screwed.

I try to refrain from using song lyrics while pontificating, but this Delirious? song has been reverberating through my mind since the beginning of this thought process, so I thought I should share it with you.

What can you do with a heavy soul?
When you can dance but there's no rock 'n' roll
Where can you go, if the sun doesn't shine?
You sing the words, but none of them rhyme
What would I have done if it wasn't for Jesus?
Where do you go when you've lost the keys
When all is dark and you're on your knees?
And in a world where its love betrays
There is a light that will save the day
Don't go away
What would I have done if it wasn't for Jesus?

So here I am, over 5 years later, being whacked in the head by the same lesson---a lesson I should have learned long ago.

And so this sinner has resolved to crawl back to the feet of the one who for some reason loves him in spite of his faulty memory and evil tendencies---hoping beyond hope that maybe this time the lesson will remain with him a bit longer.

"So it begins"…indeed.

Favorite Quote of the Week...

2006-10-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

Me: So how did you guys get together?
Mattie: Well…I worked in the bar, she worked in the restaurant…
Me: So you just hit it off while working together?
Mattie: Not really. When I was drunk I would occasionally throw crap at her...then one day she started throwing the crap back.

Romantic, no?

Of PB&J, and Other Comfort Foods…

2006-09-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

I had a PB&J sandwich last nigh. A bit childish some would say, but amazingly good when one is famished and cannot find something simple to eat. It’s amazing how many memories came flooding into my mind as a result of such a simple meal---everything from kindergarten lunches, to wild and crazy family road trips where my mom would make the sandwiches in the car while we drove because my dad didn’t want to waste time by actually stopping to eat (ahh…good times).

So as I was happily munching away on my childish sandwich, indulging in childhood memories, I realized that there are many things about my childhood that I miss. For instance, what happened to the seemingly never ending flow of energy? Did I use it all up? If I would have known that we're only allotted a certain amount of energy for our lives, I certainly would have been a bit more stingy with it as a child. Having a super large amount of missed childhood activities and experiences, I have decided to make a list of the top ten things about my childhood that I miss.

1. Real, Unadulterated, Guilt Free (and Calorie Free) Fun
2. Summer (the real summer, with watermelon, pool parties, and frequent visits to the beach)
3. Schoolwork (where the complexities did not exceed simple division and verb conjugation)
4. Never Having to Exercise (because having fun was exercise enough)
5. Not Being Able to Sleep In on Saturdays (because you had so much to do, and so little time!)
6. Not Being Able to Sleep the Night Before Christmas
7. Simplicity in Relationships with the Opposite Sex (relationships that consisted of snarky comments about how girls are “dumb” and then the customary throwing of mud)
8. The Lack of Financial Issues
9. Lack of Stress (the only stress being whether or not you would get caught and punished for breaking whatever trivial rule your parents had put in place to keep you from becoming a complete savage)
10. Worry Free Sleep (the content slumber of a child who has been out “playing” all day is something that we as adults will never experience again)

A moment of silence for my deceased childhood...

Thank you.

The Dichotomy that is My Social Life…

2006-08-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

Clarity has been reached, and with it, a feeling of extreme helplessness to direct and control my social destiny. Diversity in life is important, and surrounding yourself with a diverse grouping of individuals is extremely healthy. That being said, I also feel that one should choose friends wisely, as you will undoubtedly be influenced by them. But what happens if the friends surrounding you are not chosen, but are a result of a common activity, social club, or belief system (church, for instance)?

I am surrounded by the oddest assortment of social groups. Each group is interconnected in some form or fashion, but one rarely chooses to be associated with the others in social settings.

This little revelation was made clear to me at a recent party I attended (and organized). After arriving, each individual filtered into what I like to call his/her “comfort group” and proceeded to spend the rest of the evening with that particular grouping of individuals. Everyone knew each other, but there was little to no intermingling between groups. There were those who bridged the gap though, interacting with each group, trying to “be all things to all people” as it were. During the meal, you could see the separation of groups, with both the groupless, and “gap bridgers” sitting in the middle.

I guess that little party was a fairly good representation of society as a whole. You have your exclusive groupings, your social misfits that don’t seem to fit into any group, and then your “gap bridgers.”

So what is the ideal? Should everybody attempt to be a “gap bridger”? Or is this just another facet of one’s unique personality (i.e. outgoing vs. introverted)?

For me, feeling at ease regardless of the setting or group is ideal. Having the ability to converse with both geek and socialite, businessman and artist, vagabond and boy scout is talent that I aspire to perfect at some point in my life.

Is this possible? Time will tell...

Inspiration, or the Lack Thereof…

2006-08-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

What causes inspiration? It obviously varies from person to person, but there is usually some type of input from an exterior source that precedes the moment of inspiration. Maybe it was a sonnet, beautifully composed and performed, or perhaps a poignant photograph that captured an elusive flash of raw emotion. Regardless of the stimuli, the majority of great inspirational moments are triggered by an outside source.

Is this a safe assumption? Or does true inspiration and genius come from within?

I’ve been stewing over this topic for a few weeks, without coming to a satisfactory conclusion. I know that for me personally, great literarily works tend have the greatest inspirational effect. My vocabulary improves, my writing improves, and my ability to express myself verbally improves, all as a result of mentally digesting the works of a literary genius.

Following this same line of thinking, the simplest path to becoming an uninspired bore would be to cease my intake of literary works, thus allowing my creative flow to grind to a halt…

Gosh that was idiotic.

Note to self:

Go to library ASAP.

Of Fools...

2006-05-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

You know that whole thing about fools in Proverbs? Well it’s all true, every last bit of it. I just spent half an hour trying to verbally pound some sense into what I like to call a “committed fool.”

I really should have known better.

How does one impart truth to a person whose moral compass is so out of wack, the poles might as well be reversed?

With a large wooden club, that’s how.

When logic and absolute truth cease to exist in an argument, persuasiveness and eloquence seem to count but little.

Lesson learned.

Death, and Other Equally Cheery Subjects…

2006-04-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

We had a death in the family this past weekend.

The event of its coming was not unforeseen, and the family member was ready to go, but that does not mean it was any less painful or difficult.

As I stood in the hospital room, looking down at the beloved family member, my only thought was how organic and natural the experience was. This was death, a normal part of the human existence, something I had never been privy too in the past. The experience was neither unnatural nor awkward, exactly the opposite actually, something I was not expecting. My preconceived notions of death were skewed by childhood fears and notions I had never corrected after becoming an adult, but once I recognized that fact, I was able to move past those fears and embrace the experience.

We spent hours talking and reminiscing about years gone by, and the wonderful memories we had of our amazing grandmother. One by one, each grandchild was able to talk to her, either by phone or in person, and convey their love and admiration for her, and all that she meant to us during her life. To die, surrounded by friends and family, what more could a person ask?

The story ends on a bittersweet note though. We do not know if my grandmother had a relationship with Christ. She was a good person, she even went to church most Sundays, but we still don’t know for sure. So as my unsaved family were speaking to each other about how “she is in a better place” and “we will see her again” all I could do is watch with intense sorrow, knowing that if they continue their present course they have no assurance of seeing any of their family again.

Sometimes I get so angry with my unsaved extended family members. When facing the death of a loved one, it’s just fine to become ultra spiritual and religious, but any other time it’s considered poor taste and too “personal.” So while they are making themselves feel better about death by saying things like “she was such a good person, I know she is in heaven right now looking down on us” we who know the truth bit our tongues. And so we sit there, quelling the urge to scream in agony at their arrogance and pride, the consequences of which are eternal death, pain, and suffering, and as we sit there, we try to think of some way to present the gospel in a way that will break through their stony hearts and have an effect. I love my extended family, but there are times when I struggle with feelings of anger towards them because of their self perpetuated ignorance of the truth.

My one consolation is that God is the only one who can change the heart, so the responsibility does not fall on me for a change to take place, but on Him.

Hmm...something to think on.

Time to Ponder and Meditate...

2006-04-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

I had an epiphany the other day.

I know, I know, they happen so infrequently that I'm beginning to think that I must be morphing into this unimaginative and unoriginal bore, who's imagination is so limited that it hurts when deciding on the flavor of ice cream to choose at the supermarket, the choice eventually ending in the same flavor it always ends in (mint chocolate chip of course). Not a bad choice mind you, just unimaginative.

But I digress (i.e. back to my epiphany).

My epiphany was thus:

Amidst the hustle and bustle of what is now my life, I have lost something I once valued very highly. I have lost both the time and mental energy to think, plan, mediate, and most important of all, hear God's voice. It's not necessarily the constant physical noise surrounding me that hinders my ability to hear, but what I will call "mental noise." Simply put, all the things in which I am involved, both at home and on the job, whirl around my head constantly, occupying my faculties, and I never seem to be able to slow down, take a breath, and listen.

When I was in Taiwan, I had an amazingly crazy schedule, working from 7 in the morning to 10 at night, but because of all the various travel times and the inability to communicate with those around me, I was able to spend large quantities of time in my head, thinking, praying, and listening. It's odd that in such a spiritually dark place I was able to hear God in ways that I never thought possible.
So here's the problem...how do I get back to that awesome place, while still being immersed in my crazy and sometimes stressful life?

In the short time I have spent on this earth, I have learned that the key to solving a problem is to first realize the problem exists (ground breaking, I know).

So here's to solving problems :)

Of Weekly Crisis, and Ulcers...

2006-03-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

Spoke with my bosses boss today. Nice fellow. If he grew a beard and walked around wearing baggy red pants and a wife beater you would swear he was Santa Clause.

But I digress.

While speaking to my bosses boss, he made the comment that my division (which is brand spankin' new) was going to give him an ulcer (something that is not entirely a joking matter for a man of his size and stress level).

It was at this point that I realized something. My division has a huge crisis every week, sometimes twice a week. Believe me, I try to plan ahead and keep everything organized, but we started off trying to do way more than we were capable of, causing us to fall more and more behind as the weeks go on. How unhealthy is this?

Every week I reach the point where I jump every time the phone rings, just knowing that it's our largest customer telling us that they have decided to go with another supplier, or perhaps an irate contractor wondering why his job has been delayed due to material shortages. Getting chewed out ever now and then is normal, comes with the territory, but every week? Multiple times? I don't think so.

Ever get the feeling you are on a sinking ship? My division has the ability to make so much money, as the market in Florida is completely untapped, but we suffer from poor planning, and poor planning has the ability to kill an operation.

So I sit here at my desk, hoping and praying that things work out for the best, and we somehow pull ahead and have a chance to take a breath.

Is that wishful thinking?

Yes.

Do I really believe it's possible?

Um...sure.

Why I Love Walgreen's...

2006-03-15T11:55:00.000-08:00

Seriously, where else can you purchase an assortment of necessary items, while being highly entertained by your fellow patrons?

I swear this story is true, every bit of it.

So I'm in line to purchase some ice cream, when I notice a very odd gentlemen causing a scene in the check-out line next to me. As I got closer, I realized he was trying to purchase half a box of hearing aid batteries. There was much carrying on until the manager showed up and figured out how he could sell the nice gentlemen half a box of hearing aid batteries. As the manager was ringing him up, the nice older gentle man began to explain why he needs the batteries. In a very difficult to understand and somewhat stuttery voice, he started talking about his mother whom he lives with. I will spare you the gory details, sufficed to say, he has a very odd but sweet relationship with his partially deaf mother.

As I was checking out, the odd little lady behind the counter began to rave about the wonderful deal I was getting on Blue Bell Ice Cream. She proceeded to tell everyone in line how amazing this deal was, and I kid you not, everyone in the line echoed what she said word for word. "Two for one special? What an amazing deal!" It reminded me of one of those cheesy advertisements you see on TV for some kind of cleaning product that is simply amazing, and everyone keeps repeating how amazing the product is.

Another thing I noticed was the diversity of people who utilize the various services Walgreen's has to offer. At any given moment you will see samples of people from every level of society. From the harried looking businessman with his cell phone surgically attached to his ear, to the financially challenged single mother and her screaming infant, all come together to partake of the low prices and flexible hours.

So that was my trip to Walgreen's.

The ice cream was pretty amazing.

Of Mistakes, and How They Can Ruin One's Day

2006-03-15T11:23:00.000-08:00

It was going to be a good day, I could just tell. The air was crisp, the sun was shining, and everything seemed to be falling into place.

Amazing how what seemed to be the beginnings of a great day, could be ruined by one simple phone call. Maybe I'm not quite as tough as I thought, or maybe my emotional walls have been weakened as of late---either way---I was vulnerable enough to be destroyed emotionally by a single phone call, and that is just sad.

It didn't even turn out to be something uber awful, just a careless mistake on my part that can be fixed with minimal pain and suffering.

Maybe it's a pride thing, but I do not deal with personal mistakes very well---or failure of any kind for that matter. Private mistakes are bad enough, but publicly broadcasted mistakes? I would rather undergo any torture imaginable than for a stupid mistake to be unveiled for all the world to see.

A bit of a character flaw?

Sure.

Am I working on it?

Sure.

Am I making any headway?

Not so much.

Contentment and Other Equally Dreadful Words…

2006-02-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when we have a life full of activity and extreme business, we long for a slower life, but when we have that inevitable slow season in life, we desperately desire a faster lifestyle?

Odd, isn’t it? Or maybe I’m just odd.

Once we jump the proverbial fence, we find that the grass is in fact not greener on this side; it just tastes a bit different (and not always better).

So here’s my question:

What’s so wrong with jumping fences?

Isn’t the desire to achieve greater things in life totally worth expending the extra effort? And yes, sometimes the achievement is not quite as sweet as expected, causing us to look across another fence and think “gosh, the grass over there looks pretty freaking amazing.”

But what if we never jump a fence? What if we never seek that which seems unattainable? What if we stay in our own little area, eating the same grass we've been eating all your life, and never experience the rush of success or the agony of failure?

Is it possible that the phrase “I am content” is simply a thinly veiled statement of complacency? One should never be “content” with life, they should always be seeking challenges, new opportunities, and crazy adventures.

So the real question is this: does the word “contentment” share it’s etymologious beginnings with the words “boring” and “lazy”?

Hell On Horseback...

2006-02-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

I almost died.

Oh sure, I'm being a bit dramatic, but the fact remains that I seriously could have died.

So there I was, in the middle of a swampy forest, on the back of this unpredictable hellion, seeing my short life flash before my eyes---all the while struggling to maintain a cool and calm exterior as not to be the laughing stock of the group.

It was about that time that I realized I might not come out of the forest alive.

I envisioned such gruesome images as my poor lifeless body being pummeled again and again by the sharp death-hooves of my hellion steed, or being impaled by a jagged tree-stump, or my personal favorite, dieing of embarrassment when I find out that the horse I'm on is like 100 in horse years.

Here is a list of the methods the evil hellion used to try and rid the world of me:

Bucking (at least 3 times)
Picking the smallest gap between trees to go through
Turning circles under an extremely low branch
Trying to kick the horse behind me, causing my butt to go rocketing out of the saddle
Trying to bite the little pony right next to me, and then dashing away (drastic changing of directions)

Obviously, I didn't die, I even ended up coming out of the dark, mucky forest physically intact.

As I was heading back to the barn, I realized that I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Odd as it sounds, the adrenaline rush was amazing, and the feeling of complete helplessness was actually pretty refreshing. How often do I participate in something that is life threatening, or at the very least, could result in serious injury? Not often.

As a result of this new revelation, I have resolved to participate in a life threatening activity at least once a month.

Next up:

Leaving the house without my ipod...

Gosh, a little part of me died just typing that.

Should Have Been A Shrink...

2006-01-31T06:52:00.000-08:00

I must have an understanding face.

My department happens to be populated, for the most part, by one family---a father, and two of his boys. One would think that this is a wonderful thing, allowing the father and his sons many opportunities to bond and strengthen their relationships. Unfortunately, in between the times of bonding and relationship building, there are long painful times of miscommunication, irritation, and annoyance.

Co-workers will always have issues with one another, but their issues usually originate and remain at work. What do you do when the co-worker's issues stem from prepubescent memories of emotional abuse? The phrase "he has been like this since I was born" is a bit unsettling to hear from a co-worker in reference to their boss.

And where do I find myself in all of this? In the freaking middle, that's where.

All three individuals have come by my desk today to talk about one of their co-workers (to which they are related). Each conversation followed the identical format. First, there is the "startling" revelation about the "idiotic" co-orders conduct, followed by the usual, and somewhat clichéd complaints.

After the complaining had come to a close, I was then asked to give insight into the actions of the offending individual. And I did, much to the chagrin of the questioning party, as I was honest, and told them exactly what I thought of the whole situation. I even went as far as instructing them in what I thought they need to change in order to improve their working relationship with the "offending party."

At the end of each tête-à-tête, I wondered if I had helped, or just added to the confusion.

What I do know, is that they all chose to come to me for a bit of advice and a lot of venting, and that just makes me wonder if I missed my calling.

Couches are so much more comfortable than office chairs, and Psychiatrists make so much more than Office Managers...

Lifting Can Be A Blow To One's Pride...

2006-01-24T14:45:00.000-08:00

Last night I decided to go to the gym and lift.

At present, I have found lifting to be an extremely good stress reliever. Some people smoke, I lift.

So there I was lifting away, felling the burn, when I look over to my right and I noticed this skinny old guy perusing the free-weight selection. Not thinking much of it, I politely started minding my own business by staring at myself in the huge mirror.

Have you ever watched someone lifting weights while staring at themselves in the mirror? It's almost like they think they can will their muscles to increase in size by staring at them intently.

So while I was willing my muscles to grow, the skinny old guy was sitting down next to me with his weight selection. Now visualize this---me, with my dumbbells in hand, straining and puffing, and him, with his huge dumbbells, pumping them like they were cans of tuna.

"Deflated" does not even come close to describe the feeling that overwhelmed me at that moment.

The "A" Word...

2006-01-17T19:19:00.000-08:00

Today I stopped by an auto parts store on the way home from work to pick up some oil for my car. While walking out to my car, I caught a glimpse of myself in the store window and the image caused a thought to surface in my mind.

"When did I become an adult?"

There I was, the weary laborer, coming home late from work and stopping by the auto parts store to re-supply my stockpile of motor oil. At that moment I felt like a responsible, conscientious individual. What the heck happened? One minute I'm free as a bird, traveling the world, poor as a church mouse, and then WHAM! I'm working 8 to 5 for the man, and have a savings account.

What's next? A wife and kids?

All of this went through my mind as I was walking out to the car, and believe me, I was bumming.

Then I spotted my computer in the back seat---the computer I would be using at a LAN party---a LAN party I would be attending on a Tuesday night---a Tuesday night, which just happens to be a work night.

"What an extremely irresponsible thing to do" I thought to myself, as the traces of a wicked little grin began dancing at the edges of my mouth.

Suck on that adulthood.

The Shoe Guy...

2006-01-17T13:46:00.000-08:00

While at college, I was riding in an elevator with a group of unknown females when I noticed that one of the girl had one a pair of oddly attractive shoes. Wanting to encourage such behavior, I proceeded to complement her excellent taste in shoes (something that was quite rare in that particular school---those having visited the school can attest to the veracity of my claim). Upon hearing my innocent compliment, the girl's eyes widened to saucer proportions, causing me to think I had offended her in some way. She then proceed to exclaim "So YOU'RE the shoe guy!"

It was at this point that I reevaluated my policy of complementing girls on their shoe selections.

Seriously, doesn't a moniker like "The Shoe Guy" make one surmise that the bearer of such a title has some kind of weird shoe fetish?

Not really the best of reputations.

My conclusion is thus:

Only compliment a girl on her shoes if she knows you well enough to receive the compliment in the spirit in which it was given---not someone who would then go around spreading the rumor that you make a habit of sneaking into girl's closets to try on their shoes.

Or just don't go to lame colleges.

The Elusive Song Obsession...

2006-01-16T07:43:00.000-08:00

This is how it works:

I hear a song on the radio, on a movie or TV show, walking in the mall or in a store, and either it strikes a chord with me, or maybe it brings back pleasant memories of days long past...

After having this emotional connection with the song, I focus on the lyrics and musical style, taking an auditory snapshot so that I will remember what to search for when I get to a computer. Believe me when I say this is not just a casual practice, but a serious undertaking bordering on obsession. I must find that song at all costs.

Step 1:

Google the lyrics

Step 2:

Search iTunes for Artist and Song

Step 3 (if step 2 is unsuccessful):

Search amazon.com for CD

As of yet, I have never failed to find a song, no matter how elusive or obscure.

God bless the internet.

The evils of all you can eat buffets...

2006-01-13T12:05:00.000-08:00

In the interest of forging a bond of brotherhood with my co-workers, I have been taking my meals with them at various dining establishments of their choosing. Now, when one works in a manufacturing shop all day, with minimal financial benefits, that individual is given few options when it comes to choosing a place to eat. All you can eat buffets offer a large amount of generic food, for a relatively low price, making them the ideal place for my co-workers to eat.

So I was sitting at one of these fine establishments when I had an epiphany. You see, I was watching this fairly large couple (weighing an easy 500 pounds combined) as they approached buffet line. At first glance they appeared normal, boring in fact, but on closer inspection, I could see the distinct glint of lust it both of their eyes. The crazy thing was that they were not looking at an attractive woman/man, they were looking at the food!

I could almost hear their thoughts:

Large Man: "Boy, I wonder how much of this food I can eat before I explode"

Large Woman: "I wonder if anyone will notice if I eat more food than 10 full-grown men"

The couple then proceeded to load up their small plates as quickly as possible, giving the impression that they though the food would disappear at any second. The sad thing is, this "food lust" that one sees at all you can eat buffets does not just pertain to people with evident eating disorders, it affects almost every person that walks through the door.

My epiphany:

I realized that all you can eat buffets are indeed evil, causing even the strongest to stumble, and should be destroyed for the pain and suffering they have caused (not to mention the fact that the food tastes like crap).

The Beginning...

2006-01-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

So I was talking to myself today (a practice that is becoming alarmingly commonplace). As the conversation progressed, I realized that the topic of this very odd internal communication was taking an alarming twist.

You see, I started out the conversation with the usual crap about the weather, followed by the fairly normal conversational topic regarding the lack of quality dining establishments in small towns. It is at this point that the conversation went off the reservation and entered abnormalville.

And so, in the interest of quelling future inner monologues with myself, I have decided to join the wonderful world of blogging. Joining the ranks of venerable and world famous bloggers like the ingenious group of individuals behind the west virginia lovin' blog, as well as a multitude of other highly intelligent life forms.