The evils of all you can eat buffets...
In the interest of forging a bond of brotherhood with my co-workers, I have been taking my meals with them at various dining establishments of their choosing. Now, when one works in a manufacturing shop all day, with minimal financial benefits, that individual is given few options when it comes to choosing a place to eat. All you can eat buffets offer a large amount of generic food, for a relatively low price, making them the ideal place for my co-workers to eat.
So I was sitting at one of these fine establishments when I had an epiphany. You see, I was watching this fairly large couple (weighing an easy 500 pounds combined) as they approached buffet line. At first glance they appeared normal, boring in fact, but on closer inspection, I could see the distinct glint of lust it both of their eyes. The crazy thing was that they were not looking at an attractive woman/man, they were looking at the food!
I could almost hear their thoughts:
Large Man: "Boy, I wonder how much of this food I can eat before I explode"
Large Woman: "I wonder if anyone will notice if I eat more food than 10 full-grown men"
The couple then proceeded to load up their small plates as quickly as possible, giving the impression that they though the food would disappear at any second. The sad thing is, this "food lust" that one sees at all you can eat buffets does not just pertain to people with evident eating disorders, it affects almost every person that walks through the door.
My epiphany:
I realized that all you can eat buffets are indeed evil, causing even the strongest to stumble, and should be destroyed for the pain and suffering they have caused (not to mention the fact that the food tastes like crap).
So I was sitting at one of these fine establishments when I had an epiphany. You see, I was watching this fairly large couple (weighing an easy 500 pounds combined) as they approached buffet line. At first glance they appeared normal, boring in fact, but on closer inspection, I could see the distinct glint of lust it both of their eyes. The crazy thing was that they were not looking at an attractive woman/man, they were looking at the food!
I could almost hear their thoughts:
Large Man: "Boy, I wonder how much of this food I can eat before I explode"
Large Woman: "I wonder if anyone will notice if I eat more food than 10 full-grown men"
The couple then proceeded to load up their small plates as quickly as possible, giving the impression that they though the food would disappear at any second. The sad thing is, this "food lust" that one sees at all you can eat buffets does not just pertain to people with evident eating disorders, it affects almost every person that walks through the door.
My epiphany:
I realized that all you can eat buffets are indeed evil, causing even the strongest to stumble, and should be destroyed for the pain and suffering they have caused (not to mention the fact that the food tastes like crap).
posted by fearbaby at 12:05 PM
6 Comments:
Ahhhhhh.....Buffets are GREAT! China Town Buffet. You have to read this, it will change your view forever!http://www.thephatphree.com/Features.asp?SectionID=11&StoryID=1857&LayoutType=1
:)
She just thinks they are great because:
A) She doesn't have to cook.
B) Men try to pick her up.
C) She doesn't have to cook.
D) Men try to pick her up.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. We all know it's not because the food tastes good!
Oooh. And she occasionally doesn't have to pay because of reasons b and d.
true story:
i was an AYCA once, and the place caught fire.
the Large Couple was there. instead of fleeing, they ducked under the tables and continued eating.
Hmm...I wonder when they would have acknowledged the fact that they have a serious problem with "food lust"... before or after they burst into flames?
I know this is an old post but I thought I would bless you with the greatest Buffet of all time.
http://www.shady-maple.com/
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