Death, and Other Equally Cheery Subjects…

We had a death in the family this past weekend.

The event of its coming was not unforeseen, and the family member was ready to go, but that does not mean it was any less painful or difficult.

As I stood in the hospital room, looking down at the beloved family member, my only thought was how organic and natural the experience was. This was death, a normal part of the human existence, something I had never been privy too in the past. The experience was neither unnatural nor awkward, exactly the opposite actually, something I was not expecting. My preconceived notions of death were skewed by childhood fears and notions I had never corrected after becoming an adult, but once I recognized that fact, I was able to move past those fears and embrace the experience.

We spent hours talking and reminiscing about years gone by, and the wonderful memories we had of our amazing grandmother. One by one, each grandchild was able to talk to her, either by phone or in person, and convey their love and admiration for her, and all that she meant to us during her life. To die, surrounded by friends and family, what more could a person ask?

The story ends on a bittersweet note though. We do not know if my grandmother had a relationship with Christ. She was a good person, she even went to church most Sundays, but we still don’t know for sure. So as my unsaved family were speaking to each other about how “she is in a better place” and “we will see her again” all I could do is watch with intense sorrow, knowing that if they continue their present course they have no assurance of seeing any of their family again.

Sometimes I get so angry with my unsaved extended family members. When facing the death of a loved one, it’s just fine to become ultra spiritual and religious, but any other time it’s considered poor taste and too “personal.” So while they are making themselves feel better about death by saying things like “she was such a good person, I know she is in heaven right now looking down on us” we who know the truth bit our tongues. And so we sit there, quelling the urge to scream in agony at their arrogance and pride, the consequences of which are eternal death, pain, and suffering, and as we sit there, we try to think of some way to present the gospel in a way that will break through their stony hearts and have an effect. I love my extended family, but there are times when I struggle with feelings of anger towards them because of their self perpetuated ignorance of the truth.

My one consolation is that God is the only one who can change the heart, so the responsibility does not fall on me for a change to take place, but on Him.

Hmm...something to think on.

Time to Ponder and Meditate...

I had an epiphany the other day.

I know, I know, they happen so infrequently that I'm beginning to think that I must be morphing into this unimaginative and unoriginal bore, who's imagination is so limited that it hurts when deciding on the flavor of ice cream to choose at the supermarket, the choice eventually ending in the same flavor it always ends in (mint chocolate chip of course). Not a bad choice mind you, just unimaginative.

But I digress (i.e. back to my epiphany).

My epiphany was thus:

Amidst the hustle and bustle of what is now my life, I have lost something I once valued very highly. I have lost both the time and mental energy to think, plan, mediate, and most important of all, hear God's voice. It's not necessarily the constant physical noise surrounding me that hinders my ability to hear, but what I will call "mental noise." Simply put, all the things in which I am involved, both at home and on the job, whirl around my head constantly, occupying my faculties, and I never seem to be able to slow down, take a breath, and listen.

When I was in Taiwan, I had an amazingly crazy schedule, working from 7 in the morning to 10 at night, but because of all the various travel times and the inability to communicate with those around me, I was able to spend large quantities of time in my head, thinking, praying, and listening. It's odd that in such a spiritually dark place I was able to hear God in ways that I never thought possible.
So here's the problem...how do I get back to that awesome place, while still being immersed in my crazy and sometimes stressful life?

In the short time I have spent on this earth, I have learned that the key to solving a problem is to first realize the problem exists (ground breaking, I know).

So here's to solving problems :)